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I figure, at best, he's nine inches and just exaggerating. Male ego and all that. So I invite him over. You good? Something like that. He very clearly asked me if I could really take it.

I confidently invited him over. I got really high, and I was half expecting him not to show up based upon the fact that he was advertising something so ridiculously over-the-top.

He did, in fact, show up. He's scrawny, like 5'9", maybe pounds soaking wet. I'm like, Well, the proportion would make an average dick look huge anyway, so that probably helps him too.

He tells me to start sucking his dick. It flops out. It's incredibly large flaccid — like nearly actual inches. I'm ecstatic. It's clear that he's hung.

So, I'm working on this thing and it just gets bigger. And bigger. Finally, he's like, "Lemme get dat ass. He wasn't exaggerating.

The thing was a solid foot long, like as long as my ulna. Its thickness was proportionate too, meaning it was like a goddamned soda can almost, but not quite.

I tell him I need to ride it to get used to it; he agrees. So, there I am, straddling this scrawny guy with this humungous penis.

I couldn't even get the head in. Bear in mind that I'm high as balls on meth again, I'm in recovery.

We tried for about 10 minutes. He started getting soft. I felt incredibly demoralized. He gets ready to go, grumbling really nastily the entire time, calling me a punk, a bitch, etc.

It's clear that he was very frustrated and this was a common occurrence. I was sort of scared — not that he'd rape me or anything, but that he'd beat me up.

He left. I felt incredibly demoralized, like I failed at my one primary objective. Everything is starting to make sense. Chris Brown. Jon Hamm.

There are Tumblr pages dedicated to Jon Hamm's penis. He had to actually state for the record that he's sick of talking about it.

Ray J. Harry Styles. Don't take our word for it! Good friend Ed Sheeran confirms the size of Styles' package. Brandon Routh. According to rumors, the bulge on Brandon Routh had to be digitally altered so it would not distract both Superman Returns viewers.

David Beckham. We're just using our eyes on this one. Have you seen those David Beckham underwear ads?!? Michael Fassbender. We all saw his junk in the movie Shame.

Prometheus co-star Charlize Theron even went so far as to say Fassbender's "penis was a revelation" and she is "available to work with it any time.

Shemar Moore. We are not posting any Shemar Moore naked photos here. But they exist online. And they back up this point.

Ben Affleck. And yes Such a hawtie……. Search for:. Get Queerty Daily Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of entertainment davefranco deandrejordan stories and more.

CaptainFabulous Fun video. Does this guy do anything beside make gag videos? Rockery Love the video! Really, Queerty? Where is the evidence?

Stupid video anyway. LandStander alexoloughlin : It was part of the joke in the video. DJ Dave Franco is so hot….

EvonCook Sorry, guys, James Franco is way, way more handsome, sexy and intelligent. SteveDenver sprocket : How about James on the left side and Dave on the right?

Jaymo12 Video would not play, so it would be stpid oe to comment!

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