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That was the anxiety talking. It would be three more times before she elevated to screams. Four before she threw something.

Six before she came up to my room, demanding I make her coffee or whatever else she needed. Two years of correspondence classes through the community college, and I was desperate for any human contact.

I picked up my book, running my fingers over the cool, glossy surface. The library was one of the few places approved by my mother.

I must have read almost every book in that place, living a thousand lives on paper, traveling around the world in eighty days and through the looking glass.

I knew about hope and death, about fear and the dignity required to overcome, but only in theoretical constructs of ink and ground tree pulp.

That was my irony: to wax poetic about the meaning of life while being unable to do something as simple as pay rent. Who wanted to know anything about Niagara Falls?

Then I read it. I snuck back every day for a week, enamored by the descriptions, in awe of the pictures of water rushing, enchanted by the majesty and magic of this place both faraway and someday attainable.

Now the paper was thin and pliable, well-worn from years of turning the pages. The binding was loose, the stitching visible between the cardboard and glue.

By now it was probably held together by the clear tape that held the library tags to the spine. For room to breathe. For freedom.

I flipped through the photographs on the digital screen, every single one taken in the house or the yard. Nowadays mom got antsy when I walked over to the park.

There were only so many times I could pretend a new angle of the flower pot was artistic instead of just plain pathetic. I wanted to see new things, new places—new people.

I piled everything into my bag. I was far too old for the purple backpack. But then, my body was too old for me. Somewhere in the past five years, I had blossomed into a woman, with full lips and fuller breasts, with hair in places I was almost afraid to touch, except when I just had to at night in my bed, and I did—oh, I did, and it shamed me.

I shamed myself with the wetness and the horrible, rippling pleasure around my fingers. My twentieth birthday. Neither my mother nor I had acknowledged it at breakfast, as if even the mention of passing time would crack the fragile votive that ensconced us.

And now, I would shatter it. But the fear felt huge inside my stomach. Her anxiety was rubbing off on me. I had to get out of here.

Everything fit neatly into my faded backpack, but then I was well-practiced in packing it after having done so at least a dozen times.

Each time had ended in screaming, in tears, and in me back upstairs in my room. Not this time. Feeling queasy, I slung the bag over my shoulder and headed down the stairs.

My mother sat at the kitchen table, her thin robe loosely tied, eyes glassy from the pills. The medicine was supposed to help her, but she never got better—only worse.

More fearful, more controlling. All those chemicals had taken their toll on her body. She looked so tired. The weary shadows around her eyes and tension lines around her lips always made my gut clench.

I should be here to protect her. I leaned my backpack against the leg of the table and sat down across from her. She sighed. I need to see more of the world than these walls.

People starving? Go look at the TV if you want to see the world so badly. Every young girl abducted, every college girl who had her drink drugged was somehow a mark against me.

That could have been you, she would say. Whereas most families might let the tragedy of strangers pas s them by like waves, she would catch them, collect them, marking down their names and ages in her notebooks and checking whether they had been found in six months, a year, five years, until I felt like I was drowning in unseen violence.

I want to see things for myself. Ordinary things. I want to be ordinary. I want to live. I know you need to stay inside, but just as much, I need to go out into the world.

Experience things for myself. Plump tears slipped down her cheeks. What have I ever done but protect you? I would be strong.

I knelt at her feet, taking her hands in mine. I could feel each bone, each tendon beneath the paper-dry skin. Give me your blessing to leave.

Maybe even move back to town after a while. I need to see something of the world first. I did get a small weekly allowance, though, and had saved up a hundred and sixty dollars.

Not enough to get me all the way to New York, not with paying for gas, food and motels along the way. That was the plan anyway. She sniffed.

No shock, only resignation. Maybe I had always known it would come to this. As if finally realizing I was serious, her eyes widened, filling with rage.

Not one goddamn second, you hear me? Well, do you think nothing bad ever happens here? What about Allen? We never talked about that, not even to the counselor.

Mama had dated a few men when I was very young, when she still left the house. The last man she dated was Allen.

He had been so very understanding of her desire to spend nights at home instead of going out for dates, even if it meant her young daughter was in the way.

My mother would take her pills and go to sleep and he would slip into my room. One night, she caught him in the act. Alan and Claire get closer. Alan and Joy must deal with the repercussions of their choices.

Tom faces a difficult romantic decision. Naomi spends time with family neighbor Rita. With help from her therapist, Joy works to unravel strands of grief from the past that continue to affect her in the present.

As Joy and Alan confront the consequences of the complex romantic web they've woven, the kids move in new directions as well.

Call Netflix Netflix. Creators: Nick Payne. Watch all you want. Oscar nominee Toni Collette "The Sixth Sense" stars in this thoughtful portrayal of a marriage at a crossroads.

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